The Corner Penthouse

About 10 years ago, I typed up notes intended to be used to write reviews for a lot of different items. As I was cleaning up the digital clutter on my hard drive recently, I found all of these notes. Most of the products are out-of-print and no longer available for their original cheap prices, so there is no reason to use most of the notes. However, for a few items, the information contained in my notes doesn't seem to be available elsewhere online, so it still seems prudent to write the reviews as intended.

Read on as I tell you all about the Bikini Drive-In & Topper Returns Double Feature DVD released by Miracle Pictures in 2005...

I would love to know who at Miracle Pictures (Passion Productions on the boot-up screen) thought it was a good idea to put these two movies together in a double feature. One is a 1941 black and white ghost comedy, and the other is a 1995 T&A flick about a drive-in (albeit with the T&A removed). They couldn't be any more different!

Both movies are contained on one double-sided disc, with each movie on its own side. The back of the case says "87 minutes, Comedy / Color / 1978". Okay, both are comedies, one IS in color, and Topper Returns is close to 87 minutes (it runs 88:10), but where did 1978 come from?!? Topper Returns is from 1941 and Bikini Drive-In is from 1995 (copyright 1994). Oh, and poor Carole Landis has her last name horribly misspelled as "Londie" in the Topper Returns credits at the bottom of the back cover.

I have to wonder if Miracle Pictures is illegally selling Bikini Drive-In because there is no way that a film made in 1994 is in the public domain.

I bought the DVD at a dollar store for a buck, so it wasn't a waste of a lot of money, but that's still money down the drain. I don't even feel like I got my dollar's worth.

BIKINI DRIVE-IN (1995)

Trailers for Bikini Drive-In and Bikini Bistro are before the movie, which was "ripped off" from an old Bullseye Video VHS release, as noted by the "Bullseye Video Feature Presentation" screen after the trailers and before the movie. The movie itself starts at 2:43 and runs 1:19:45 (with the trailers and Bullseye logo, the total runtime is 1:22:28). The audio is EXTREMELY too loud! It also sounds very horrible from 16:33-17:28. There are many small video defects throughout, but the video turns into complete crud from 21:27-22:30.

A few words have been censored: "God-damn" at 13:46 and 28:55, "shit" changed to "land" at 13:52, and "tits" at 58:07. Even worse, ALL NUDITY HAS BEEN REMOVED! Yes, it's a T&A flick without the T&A. Which means that you're left with the story and the acting, neither of which is very good - though I did laugh at many of the jokes. The ladies are all very beautiful - some more than others - with special recognition from me going to Sarah Bellomo (aka adult film star Roxanne Blaze) who's quite a cutie, even if her acting skills are laughable (though I found some charm in their laughability).

TOPPER RETURNS (1941)

I didn't watch this one, because I have a copy of it on another public domain DVD, but based on the runtime of 1:28:20, it appears to be unedited (though a second or two is cut from the very start and very end - nothing major).

BETTER COPIES ARE AVAILABLE

Although Topper Returns is available on many public domain DVDs, The Topper Collection from VCI Entertainment seems to be the only release that contains all three Topper films. The Bikini Drive-In "Uncut! Uncensored! The Official Edition" from Retromedia & Bayview Entertainment would appear to be the best version to get.